This weekend was difficult. I felt the painful sting of disappointment. I became discouraged. I was frustrated and I was angry. I felt like a failure. I sat in the studio and stared at the investments that surrounded me: time, money, creativity, materials, sketches, designs, sample pieces, display pieces, doodles on Post-its. The same thought kept running through my head, "what was I thinking?".
I must have been crazy to believe this idea, this dream, this attempt would be anything but a disaster! The tears were coming more quickly as I lowered my head onto the workbench. And I let it go.
I reminded myself that disappointments are temporary and I let them go. I caught a glance of my open Bible off to the side, with passages highlighted on slightly worn pages, and I began to feel encouraged. I recognized my frustrations were the at the expense of a situation I had no control over and I let go of the control. My anger softened quickly, I stopped crying, and I remembered why I started all of this in the first place: because I wanted to.
Doing THIS, being in the studio, creating and designing, makes me happy. Seeing the pieces come together brings me great personal joy. I get excited when a shipment of new materials arrive. It's like Christmas morning as I tear open the boxes and admire the colors and textures!
Sure, it would be wonderfully exciting to deliver pieces to stores from coast to coast and maybe one day, that will happen. Honestly, I hope it does! But in the meantime, I won't forget why I started this crazy, scary, wonderful, adventure in the first place: because I wanted to.
So today, I am embracing the new week with new anticipation for what's ahead. I am welcoming the unknown with open arms, and I stand ready to accept temporary disappointment with grace. I will remember to lean into my faith instead of falling into despair, and I will be even more grateful for the small victories as they are worthy of big celebrations, too. I will allow joy to fill my heart, continue to create, I will not give up, for I trust His timing and I know it will come.
So for now, I will continue to do what makes me happy in the studio: create pieces that are as beautiful as you are. What could be better than that?
Take care of each other, sweethearts.